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Showing posts from March, 2017

BAD BOY Revisited

Now that I'm out as a genderqueer person, I'm revisiting my review of BAD BOY by Elliot Wake to give content and trigger warnings for other folks. This is a trans book that contains detailed descriptions of what it means to transition from female to male written by someone who has undergone the process. If you aren't comfortable reading about these details, walk away. If you feel this might be too voyeuristic for you, walk away. If it will bring up to many thoughts or feelings of dysphoria, walk away. If hearing about TERFs and non-trans acceptance by family and friends is harmful to you, walk away. This book was influential in my life, but that's because I was in the right mindset to read it. I'm usually the one doing the vetting for others. I can handle a lot. I can handle dark and angry. If you can't, there's no problem in that. Take care of yourself and put this one aside.

If you have issues with any of the following, please reconsider reading this book …

I carved the mark.

Content Warning: discussions of self-harm and cutting

I carved the mark.

Over and over again, I carved into my skin with X-Acto knives and clipped off razor blades so the white scars would stand out against my flesh and remind me why I was hurting, why I was seeking relief in pain. The deepest marks sit on my left forearm, clean little lines intersecting one another. Those clean lines led to years of messy rehabilitation, therapy for mental illness. I was borderline, self-destructive. I was bi-polar and reckless. They were right. I wanted to hurt myself because the world moved too fast then too slow, it made me too anxious, too depressed. The only thing I could control was food and pain. Not eating and bleeding. Those were my comforts.