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Marriage and Becoming a New Person. What doesn't have to be left behind.

Recently, I had a conversation with a girlfriend of mine. She and I have known each other since we were 13. We've gone through some difficult times on both ends of our relationship, which turned long-distance, together. My plans before meeting the future husband were simple, I wanted to go for my Master's of Fine Arts in Creative Writing- the MFA. Education was the most important thing to me. It was the only thing to me. What else did I have to care about? A family that kept me around for co-dependency? Friends that were going down their own paths? My old way of life was slowly strangling me. I was dying.

Then, circumstances lined up and I found him- the One. Let the harps play and the lights shine. Within two weeks, we knew we were going to get married. It's been over two years now. We have less than 9 months until the wedding. Happiness explodes inside of me everytime I think about the big day. Yet, I had this gnawing in the back of my brain. What about all of those dreams, Dill? Do they just flutter away?

During our conversation, my friend reminded me that being married is almost like having a child. You have this second person you have to consider for the rest of your life. Your decisions are no longer are your own. If I want to go back to school, I have to think about the Future Husband, our pet rabbit, our house, our money, and his job as well as mine. There's no more freedom to just get up at go.

Instead of brooding over it, I did what we always do, talked to FH about it. I asked him what he'd think about me applying for MFA programs next year (after the wedding). I proposed the option of low-residency programs that I'd be allowed to complete mostly online. There would be two weeks each year that I'd need to travel to the campus for workshops. Then, there are the full-residency programs, which could also come with full funding. I will apply to the Iowa Writer's Workshop, which is the best in the country. I doubt they'd accept me as one of their 30 incoming grads. You have to hope.

FH's answer was simple, if this is what I want, then we will make it work. We might have to spend some time apart if I decide to go full-residency. I would be taking on more loans (boo). He'd have to get another job. Tech and IT aren't exactly sparse fields. We'd find something to do with the house and bring lil Panda Bear with us! I don't have to give up my dreams. He doesn't want me to. The point was made; no matter what we do or where we go, we are together no matter what.

Now that's what marriage is all about.


  1. I've told you before and I'll say it again - your attitude towards marriage is admirable, and something that I wish many others shared.


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