Skip to main content

YALL Festival, Migraines, and getting your Brain Numbed

The YALL Festival is in Charleston this weekend. I was desperate to go and mingle with my favorite YA authors and/or future colleagues. That’s not going to happen.I have something called Chronic Migraine Syndrome. At first, it was having one or two migraines a month. Then, it turned into having three or more migraines a week. Luckily, I've been able to control them over the past three months with Sphenopalatine (SPG) Ganglion Blocks. I went from having migraines more than twice a week to none at all. It only took 30 minutes and I was fixed. It all depends on your migraine type and is usually reserved for the severest of the severe, but it is worth looking into. Nerve blocks are a magical thing. They numb the area of the brain the causes the migraines to happen. The method that was used with me can be seen at

Right now, I my doctor has to resubmit the information to my insurance company, letting them know everything is working. Like I said, they don't do these blocks for just anyone. I’m currently a prisoner to my own body as my block wears off. It’s painful, frustrating, and not fair. I can’t give up. I can’t quit no matter how much I want to. I’m working in an unfulfilling job I don’t like and that causes more migraines than I’d like to admit. In a moment of feeling put down one too many times, it came to me; I am a champion. I have to get parts of my brain numbed just to be able to function at the same level as everyone else. I am not weak because I was crippled by pain and circumstance. How many people could have made it this far?

Kiss my foot. I am a daggum superwoman.

Things are just on the edge of changing. I don’t care if anyone out there likes Status: Positive or even wants to publish it. If I can make if through all 50,000 words without dying or clawing at my nerve center with an ice pick, then this will be a win for me. I know how it feels. I know how it is to be told you are sick, you’re not good enough. I know what it is like to be “diseased” and looked down upon because of the way you were born (not just migraines here). It’s not fair. It’s not right. It needs to change. If looking at things from a different angle can open some eyes, then I swear to you all that I will fight.

There is no giving up.

Migraine. My book ain't got time for that. NaNoWriMo problems. Relpax take me away.


  1. Did you consider trading with the best Bitcoin exchange company: YoBit.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Cisgaze and Nonbinary Exclusion

Yesterday, I saw a re-post of a chalkboard sign that was taken outside of a bookstore. It listed “Women + Books News,” which included a list of female authors in SFF. I was thrilled. One of my favorite authors scored a well-earned seven-figure deal with TOR. An author from my agency won her second Hugo back-to-back. But then…my heart sank and I heard that evil dysphoric voice whispering in my ear:
This will never include you. You’re non-binary trans*.
I don’t fit.
It would be easy to have lists say “Female and Non-Binary Authors.” However, the cisgaze means cis people don't think about these things. They don't think about us, the third genders. I'm not saying this solely for my comfort. More young people are identifying under the non-binary umbrella. We need to set an example for teens and young adults and provide a safe environment where they can express their gender without fear of exclusion. I personally want to set an example for my younger readers. It's a challenge t…

Nonbinary Biases

Soon, I’ll have to get a new passport. In the United States, I am not allowed to declare my nonbinary gender on legal documents, or any forms, to be honest. It’s all binary—male or female. My trans* binary friends can have their gender markers changes to reflect their correct gender, but I am not afforded this privilege. I, simply put, am not recognized.

Like so many, I am misgendered on a daily basis. I go into the streets, plastered in buttons and laced with necklaces that declare my pronouns to be they/them and my ID as genderqueer. My armor, meant to protect, fails me. The voices echo, chanting, “Ma’am,” “Miss,” “she/her,” like bells I cannot silence.

My brain screams for me to correct them. Tell them who you are. That comes at the high cost of possibly being assaulted or having to give an entire lecture on what the f— I am. A person. I want to be a person, devoid of your gender biases, your expectations wrapped up in pink and blue ribbons. I am purple, white, and green. I am a mu…

BAD BOY Revisited

Now that I'm out as a genderqueer person, I'm revisiting my review of BAD BOY by Elliot Wake to give content and trigger warnings for other folks. This is a trans book that contains detailed descriptions of what it means to transition from female to male written by someone who has undergone the process. If you aren't comfortable reading about these details, walk away. If you feel this might be too voyeuristic for you, walk away. If it will bring up to many thoughts or feelings of dysphoria, walk away. If hearing about TERFs and non-trans acceptance by family and friends is harmful to you, walk away. This book was influential in my life, but that's because I was in the right mindset to read it. I'm usually the one doing the vetting for others. I can handle a lot. I can handle dark and angry. If you can't, there's no problem in that. Take care of yourself and put this one aside.

If you have issues with any of the following, please reconsider reading this book …